she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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