Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
