just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I could make wine with my vomit
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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