So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
