You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
