Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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