How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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