you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
