In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wear drunk well.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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