Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
