Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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