Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
