OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
