I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
