GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
