Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize