burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
