he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
