Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bring money and cleavage
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
