I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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