if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's blow job season.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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