North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
