Your tits are I can't wait for
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
