Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
