Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
