wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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