sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
