Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
