i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
