If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
