so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize