Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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