So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
