apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
