and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm really busy with my period
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