The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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