So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Randomize
