Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
