WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
