I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
