I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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