My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
