Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
