i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
