Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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