I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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