Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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