dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
