girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
