cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
