everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
