you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
two words: eviction party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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