fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
