im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
