This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
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Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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