That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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